A few weeks ago, we took a taxi down from our mountain cabaña into San Salvador to get some groceries. We had been staying in a tiny remote community and had been fairly isolated for over two weeks. When we arrived, Tom took the girls to go and watch a kids movie at the theatre. But I had decided beforehand that I’d much rather spend the two hours on a “date” with myself. It was the first time in a couple months where I had “me-time” in town (other than rushing to grab some groceries) on my own. And I have to say, as I’m sure any mom can attest to—trying on bathing suits without kids around is a completely different experience than the time-crunch, stressful one I’m used to. After trying on a few and actually finding one that I liked, I celebrated by getting myself a delicious smoothie. Then I browsed the cosmetic aisle—I’d forgotten what that was like as well—and found a few fun “girlie” things…like new nail polish! It was a truly refreshing and relaxing experience. I had realized how much I’d been craving that kind of thing, which was why I took advantage of the situation and used that time for myself.
To some people it might sound a bit selfish or silly to carve out “me-time.” I’d like to guess that they don’t homeschool their kids—lol! I’ve learned for myself—sometimes the hard way—that it’s the opposite of selfish to “recharge.” In nursing school they teach you to take care of yourself first, so you can be at your best to take care of others. This applies to everyone, I think. If a teacher or prof shows up to class hung-over, sick, stressed, or overtired, you can bet he/she won’t be a great teacher that day. If a mom doesn’t get the rest and nutrition she needs, she won’t be the patient, kind, level-headed mom her kids need. I remind myself of this almost daily…and often at night when I’m tempted to stay up too late! It also applies to all of us, that if we don’t find the healing we need from our past and present hurts, we will usually hurt others, even unknowingly. And we won’t know what being healed and whole feels like.
“Hurt people do not only hurt people, but they hurt themselves in the process.”
—Emily White
Because each of us is so unique, we will each do self-care differently. My husband likes reading articles on finance or economics, going to the gym, and in El Salvador he enjoyed the rush of surfing huge waves for his “me-time.” I much prefer a quiet walk, a phone call, or some down time to read a novel or go shopping/browsing alone. Reconnecting with friends, listening to music, journaling, praying, and pondering life are all things that refresh me and bring me peace and joy.
A few weeks ago I mentioned something in front of my six-year-old about people who have too much stress getting sick more easily. “Mommy, what’s stress?” she asked.
I thought to myself, “I wish I hadn’t said that. I want her to stay so innocent.” I tried to explain that it’s when people worry about things too much and it makes them become sad. And I thought to myself, “It’s really quite pointless!” I hope and pray my girls can enjoy their childhoods and live mostly stress-free for a long time.
Often I need to identify WHY I’m feeling down or heavy…and then find a solution that will help. Naming the stressor is sometimes half the battle. Then trying to figure out what I can do about it practically, and doing that thing—whether it’s sending an email or decluttering a messy room. Or if it’s something weighing me down—journaling, praying, listening to an uplifting song, or meditating on a Bible verse usually work miracles for my mind and spirit. Another thing that can help is finding a funny podcast or a video that makes me laugh—sometimes if we need a laugh, Tom and I watch a comedian after the kids are in bed. (We both love JP Sears these days).
Talking with someone who I care about and who I know cares about me is enough to lift my spirits. Sometimes that’s my hubby; sometimes it’s not 😉 In the last eight months, calling a friend or family member and talking has been so therapeutic for me. Often just the fact that we’re connecting with others can be enough to lift us mentally as humans. No wonder so many people around the globe suffered mental-health crises during the lockdowns!
When I’m feeling anxious or worrying too much, I often remind myself that I’m only punishing myself by worrying instead of trusting. As humans, we have to ask ourselves, “What’s important to me? What fills me up? Am I being filled or filling myself with the good things and the love that my spirit needs, so I can be my best self?” For me this is all very spiritual. I personally think that because God made me (and knows me best), only His love can make me whole and help become my true self.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”
—I John 4:18
I often have to recall that statement. I can beat myself up with fear and worry…OR I can choose to be thankful and trust God with all the cares of this life and rest in knowing I’m LOVED. We often forget that we’re loved—especially when we worry too much. Resting in knowing there’s not that much we can control, and being confident of WHO we are created to be brings so much satisfaction, peace, and joy. ✨
I decided to go for a walk the other morning to soak in the sun just up the hill from our little house. From my elevated viewpoint, the sun was just rising above the mountain on the opposite side of the colourful city. I gazed over the bright and beautiful homes of Guanajuato. A sunshine yellow cathedral (the Basilica) built hundreds of years ago stood out among the other buildings.
Roosters crowed, dogs barked, voices hummed, and I pondered what people are like in this busy city. How do they live day to day? How do they survive the struggle of caring for their families and making time for their kids in this poor, but ever-developing country? Yet in Mexico, as we’ve observed for months now, most people seem genuinely happy. The man limping along in the downtown plaza offers us a smile and a “¡buenos días!” while obviously suffering. The taxi driver with “Dios es mi refugio” on the back of his taxi is welcoming and wants to know about our travels and the cold country we come from. The woman selling fruit and veggies on the bustling sidewalk, with her toddler to chase all day, has a huge smile for us and tells us our girls are “muy bonitas.”
Is simplicity of life more meaningful? After several months of “minimalistic” living, I actually think that yes—less is often more. Why is it that in the most “progressive” and wealthy nations, we have the highest rates of mental health issues?
Most people here get by with very little. Their families are the most important thing to them. The love and concern they show each other, and even strangers, is tangible. Earning enough to get by is a daily struggle here, but most people survive the struggle, make what they need, and are just so happy to be surrounded by those they love.
Tom and I have a morning ritual of getting up around 6, sipping our coffee, journaling, and reading before our girls get up. We’ve found this to be one of the most enjoyable times of the day, as it gives us some time to reflect, talk as a couple, breathe deeply, and read meaningful things. When we were staying in our mountain “cabaña” in El Salvador recently, it felt almost magical to look out at all the trees and flowers each morning and listen to the birds. But there have been times when we stayed at a hotel and actually had to move a couple chairs outside our hotel room door into the hallway, in order to have the quiet and space to read and reflect. It is a favourite daily ritual, and we carve it out as a “sacred” time.
Another “tradition” we have is that we make a smoothie each day. We like to include bananas, oranges, avocado, mango, lime, chia seeds, yogurt, and spinach or red cabbage…or whatever we have around! When we drink a healthy smoothie first thing in the morning—and for a snack later in the day—it boosts our energy and our mood. There have been times on this trip we didn’t have a smoothie blender, and we actually went out and bought a cheap one so we could keep our tradition going and feel our best.
Whenever Tom and I indulge in too much greasy or sugary food, we regret it. Even our girls often say, “I wish I hadn’t eaten all those fries!” At the moment, Tom and I are taking some time off alcoholic drinks—a practice in self-discipline, and just to be healthier overall. Self-care can require a lot of aspects!
Last night as I was tucking in my girls, one of them said, “I don’t want to grow up. I wish I could go back and be really little again.” As we explored why she was feeling this way, she told me she worries about all the poor and starving people in the world. And she’s sad that so many bad things are happening in the world these days. We talked about those things and prayed for the people of Mexico and all over the world who don’t have enough. And for those who are suffering in Canada and other places. And we gave our “troubles” and worries to God. She smiled when I reminded her that she has gifts—like caring deeply for suffering people—and she can do big things to help them, even as she grows up.
Acknowledging and trying to understand pain and suffering can weigh heavily on me too. It’s challenging not to take on too much mentally and emotionally. One thing that I often have to remind myself of is that I can only “take on” what I have control over.
“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.”
—Marcus Aurelius
Gratitude is key in staying mentally healthy. I keep a journal and write down almost daily what I’m grateful for. At the moment, it’s a comfortable seat on the upper level of a bus, taking us from Guadalajara to Puerto Vallarta, spectacular views of agave-covered hills all around us.
Do I sometimes wish we were more “settled?” Of course. But then I might be craving adventure. As humans, we may never be “fully satisfied” for more than a brief moment here and there. But being grateful and taking time to fill our hearts, minds, and bodies with what we know we need is SO vital. And taking the time to figure out what those things are is some of the most rewarding “work” we can do for ourselves and those around us 💖
It was fun knowing/teaching you when you were younger and seeing the delightful adult wife/mother you've grown into now. I applaud your sensitivity, determination, and insights. Your girls are blessed. No matter what your futures hold, these exciting times together are wonderful and formative foundation stones. I look forward to receiving and reading these. Every blessing to you five <3
Such a lovely family you are. Thank you for your wisdom and for sharing your thoughts and adventure in here. I wish you were my friend we have so many similarities. We’re a family of 3 also leaving canada. We’re traveling Europe and plan to go to Mexico soon. Much love xo