Finding Your Tribe
“Human connections are deeply nurtured in the field of shared story.”
—Jean Houston
We flew back to El Salvador about a month ago. This time I knew it would be different because our plan was to be more settled, versus how we had travelled around so much last winter. We had left Canada at the end of October last year, and spent six months as “tourists” exploring Mexico, sometimes for a month at a time in each city. At other times though, we would spend just a few days in one place, and take a bus (once for 13 hours!) to the next city of interest. When we did our weeks of constantly moving around, I enjoyed it, but I also felt overwhelmed with the chaos of packing and unpacking five of us. It was also incredibly hard to form any connections because it felt like we were so transient.
We still met many people, often through the online “freedom groups” we were part of during our travels. Sometimes we’d meet people unexpectedly. Once while staying at a hotel in Oaxaca City, we were sitting by the pool and started chatting with an Aussie family. We found out they had come to Mexico in search of freedom like us. They had also lost their jobs due to their choices. It felt easy to form deep connections quickly with people who had faced the same kinds of difficulties as us. We loved having these “chance” meetings with like-minded people! But we realized if we wanted to form some kind of community, we’d have to stay in one place for awhile.
During our stay on the coast of El Salvador in May, we met a friendly family from Wales. They’d been travelling with their three kids for several months, and had come to El Salvador to see how people are using Bitcoin here. We had some great conversations with them about the things happening in our home countries, around the world, and here. Our kids enjoyed playing with theirs, and made friends quickly. It’s been easy to connect with people who have similar values, want freedom, and believe in autonomy.
I started to wish we could stay somewhere for the long-haul, and Tom was feeling the same way. During our two months in El Salvador in May and June, we met a group of ex-pats and locals here who would come to the “Bitcoin meetups.” There are several Canadians and Australians, but also New Zealanders, Dutch, Germans, Mexicans, French, Salvadorans, Americans, etc. We are quite the mix!
Even though we came back a month ago already, and have seen some people here a few times, these last few weeks haven’t been completely easy. I guess you could say I’m a “people-person” in general. And so, after spending several weeks back home, around our friends and family everyday, it was a bit of a shock to leave. I found myself grieving in a way that I didn’t expect.
We are currently staying a 40-minute drive from most of the people we know, and so getting there by taxi isn’t cheap. We go about once a week. Buying ourselves a car has become a top priority.
When we came back here, suddenly I was home a lot, homeschooling my three girls, going to the pool with them, but hardly talking to anyone else for most of the day. I love spending time with them; I was just missing adult conversation. Tom was here, but pretty busy with work. Occasionally I’d wonder, “What were we thinking, coming here to live, leaving almost all of our connections behind?”
But then things started to shift for me. One day I’d been feeling pretty down, and couldn’t figure out why. And then the heaviness lifted when I went on Facebook and read a few friends’ posts. Hmm…
I asked myself, “What’s going on..?!” And then I had a lightbulb moment. “I’m just missing being connected…that’s all.” I messaged a good friend and she had time to chat. I told her how I’d been feeling, and she said she would fly here in a heartbeat, if she could.
It’s funny how I was relieved to know, “I’m not depressed—I just need more connection.” Phew!
I talked to another ex-pat woman a few days later who had recently come here, and had similar feelings. Connecting through our “hard stuff” is a real thing. Loneliness is something I don’t especially like feeling, but experiencing it isn’t always bad. It reminds me to keep pursuing friendships, here and back home. Sometimes when we’re down, we may not feel like reaching out, but realizing connection is what we need can make all the difference.
Hurricane Julia hit Nicaragua on Sunday October 9, and was headed our way. We had no idea what to expect. We messaged some of our friends by the beach and offered for them to stay the night here if needed. Thankfully the hurricane got downgraded to a tropical storm by the time it was headed to El Salvador.
Still there was torrential rain and insane wind all night Sunday, and then all day Monday—leading to landslides and trees falling on the highway and some homes. Our friends near the beach had no power most of the day for Thanksgiving Monday. Then our power went out in the late afternoon, just as theirs came back. While eating cold cereal for dinner, we joked that this was an unusual replacement for our usual turkey and pumpkin pie! Then we all went to bed early, reading stories to the girls with our flashlights.
We had planned to have company over for dinner on Tuesday. Tom was going to make his specialty—Indian food—and had already marinated the chicken. But the power was still out on Tuesday evening. The girls and I were feeling disappointed that we’d have to cancel. Tom had gone into San Salvador to work at a co-working space, since he works online and we didn’t have internet. On his way home, he was going to grab some pupusas, the local bean and cheese-filled rice tortillas.
We messaged our Canadian friends and told them they could still come and eat pupusas with us in the dark if they’d like. I was a bit surprised when they readily agreed. While visiting with them by the light of our phones and flashlights, we acknowledged that we were celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving in the dark with typical Salvadoran food. Haha! It didn’t matter that we didn’t have electricity. We were having great conversation with other freedom-seekers.
In talking with our ex-pat friends here, we’ve realized something. There are lots of us who are navigating the same kinds of things here, such as:
Should we buy a car?
Where and when do we want to buy property?
Should we get a pet?
How can we learn Spanish quickly?
Where do we buy the ingredients we’re used to having on hand, that aren’t readily available here?
How do we get money from a bank machine without paying outrageous fees?
What does getting residency entail, and who can help us with the process?
Being part of a community of like-minded people who are all figuring this stuff out is so helpful. And it gives me hope that if they’re all doing this stuff too, it’s do-able. We’re not the only ones in the middle of this “struggle” and “crazy adventure” right now!
The other evening I talked to my mom, and as any good mom would, she reminded me that everyone has struggles and tough things in their lives, at any given time. So true! I’m grateful for everything I’m learning right now, even in the “daily grind,” and the people we’re connecting with. God uses whatever situation we’re in to show us things, and brings us people to walk along-side. It doesn’t matter where you are in this world. You can be learning, building community, and becoming who you were made to be. And you may be inspiring and encouraging others in the process, even when you don’t see it💖
Think about the beneficial life skills your daughters will be picking up by going through this with you! The unknown can certainly be scary but something tells me this will teach them (and reinforce what’s already in you) how to quickly adapt, change and learn with their new surroundings! ❤️ keep up the good work, guys!
Loved reading this. Thank you for sharing. Have contemplated a similar move. I remember Tim talking about you guys at our Bristol Bitcoin Meetup recently. Inspiring stuff. Best of luck. Will be dragging my family your way next year. Can't wait.