Choose Your Friends Wisely

Making deep connections with those who share our values

Hola amigos 😎

Near the end of April last year, we came to El Salvador for two months, not knowing what to expect. We had connected online with some of the ex-pats here who’d come from around the globe, seeking a freer life. Because of our online connections, we were invited to a couple of “Bitcoin barbecues” near where we were staying by the beach. During those gatherings, we met some amazing people—that was a big part of our decision-making for El Salvador to become a more permanent home. We left for a few months, but with the intention to come back here long-term. Since landing in September, we’ve been meeting even more people who are pursuing a life of freedom and hope.

Our first five months back in the country, we lived inland, near the capital. In hindsight, that may have saved us a bit of rent money, but we felt pretty isolated from our friends. We moved closer to the beach and closer to many of our friends about six weeks ago. It’s been a great change in so many ways for our family, despite the fact that it’s hotter, and WAY too humid here some days. My survival secret: take cold showers multiple times a day!

Down at the beach

Since moving, we’ve started a sort of tradition. We have people over—a lot. Tom loves to barbecue meat—like the tomahawk steaks below. And often it’s not just a couple or a family, but we mix things up, introducing people to other people they may not have met, and helping to connect our community. It’s really neat to see how this networking is helping people feel like they have more support, connect them with  more like-minded people going through similar things, and the conversations always seem to flow. We’ve had some “Canadian refugee” dinners and recently started having brunches for young families, so we can have the kids play together at a sane time of day while we visit.

Tomahawk steaks

There are so many aspects to our new “beach life” that we love. Living here allows us to meet up with friends for a walk or a run down on the sandy shore in the mornings. Or stop by someone’s house to pick something up. Or have a play date for the kids while us adults visit. We purchased some boogie boards for our girls a few weeks ago, inspired by some friends who have them, and they love catching the waves with them. You can hear some delighted screams each time they do! I’ve managed to catch a few waves myself—it’s actually quite a rush, a lot like surfing, but easier.

Boogie boarding—waiting for the next wave!

We feel so blessed to be in this season of connecting with people and bringing people together. One thing we all love about spending time with people who’ve come for similar reasons is how we don’t have to “self-censor.” What I mean is that back home, we worried a lot more about what we said, and to whom, so as not to offend people. Here, it feels like we’ve all decided, “I’m here to live as my true self, and I’m not afraid—people can take me as I am.” I’m not saying we tell everyone all of our stories and opinions. But we talk about the things that have been happening in our world for the past few years and how they’ve impacted us, and often we share similar experiences.

Leaving family and friends behind in our home countries is a common struggle we share with our friends here. It was an incredibly hard decision to leave all of the “familiars” in that sense, as many of those close relationships are hard to nourish from afar. I’ve personally struggled with those losses, and felt that pain deeply. And it is still a grieving process. In talking with friends here, it’s a shared pain. But in order to start to build something new—in this case building a freer life for ourselves and our kids—we have to make sacrifices.

As we pave the way here, along with many others, a lot of people have begun to reach out to us. They want to know more—how we’re doing what we’re doing, and what’s involved in starting a new life here. Believe me, there are many complexities to it. We’ve had a lot of people help us along the way.

We recently took a day and went to all the necessary places to get our Salvadoran driver’s licenses. It was a full day out with friends, but so worth it!

I’m sure each one of you can relate to some of what we went through back in Canada during Covid. Some of the people we’d been friends with suddenly stopped greeting us at our girls’ school or around town, because of our online posts—many of which were questioning what was happening. Others—more than those who rejected us—were drawn to us because of our stand. One thing I’ve learned in this incredibly hard journey is that if you try to appeal to everyone, you won’t be true to yourself. Essentially, you will end up not having true friends. Friends who share our values are what each one of us wants. Not friends who are being fake or changing for the sake of “not offending” or just to “get along” with the people around them all the time.

The word chameleon comes to mind. I googled it, and found this:

chameleon – noun, often attributive: a person who often changes his or her beliefs or behaviour to please others or to succeed; one that is subject to quick or frequent change, especially in appearance.

Chameleon, blending in

I’m not telling you to start pushing your beliefs onto everyone around you. But choose your friends wisely. And if you’re not being your true self around them, maybe they’re not meant to be your long-term friends. That’s something I’m finding in life. There is a huge risk that we could (we will!) offend others with our stand, but we each need to take a stand, based on our own experiences and beliefs. If that pushes some people away, it will simultaneously draw in others. Writing this blog has also been teaching me that truth.

Spending time with people who build you up will likely connect you to more people you enjoy being around. That is part of our mission—to connect with those people and to introduce them to each other here, so that we can all continue to build the community. And to give each other the support we need as we navigate our new life together 💚

Thank you so much for reading this blog! I appreciate each one of you and wish you joy, peace, and a belated Happy Easter aka Resurrection Day✨

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